An Analysis of Spandex Space
by Admiral Albia
Summary: After the war, Quatre needs some new form of storage, and hires a scientist who has a very odd idea... mild 1+2 in later chapters. PG-13 because of... uh... hormones? ^_^
1. Chapter 1

An Analysis of Spandex Space   
By Admiral Albia 

**Author's note;** Just one of those weird things that pops into your head begging to be written, y'know? May involve all the G-boys, but at present only has Duo and Quatre. 

**Warnings; **Mild 2+1. I'm not sure if I'm going to actually bring Heero into it yet, so stay tuned... 

**Disclaimer; **I own nothing. Not even the plot. Wish I had some of those slides of Duo's though... 

Chapter One (and possibly only)

"It's no good, sir. We're never going to fit all that equipment into the space we have without some new kind of storage!" Quatre groaned.   
"Are you absolutely positive we can't make the storage we have bigger?"   
"Certain."   
"Well, I just hope the scientists can think of something." Quatre sighed as the executive looked uncomfortable. "They _can't_ think of anything, can they?"   
"Nossir. They said they needed fresh blood on this one."   
"Let me see the applications, Monty. And for goodness' sake stop calling me sir."   
"Yessir. What applications, sir?" The ex-Gundam pilot grinned.   
"If I know those scientists, they've already sent out the adverts. They're just waiting for me to authorize them. And I'll bet the applications have already come in, so let me see them. I'm the person doing the hiring, right?" Monty (for such was his name) stared for a second then produced the wad of papers. He still wasn't sure how Mr Winner had found out his first name, or how Mr Winner knew everything that was going on around this place, but he was willing to bet it involved CCTV. He hadn't thought of the fact that his boss had been trained in stealth.   
"Um... one of them's a bit odd, sir... no degree or anything, and no references... see for yourself, sir..."   
Quatre looked. Then, he looked again. Then, just to be fair, he placed the resume face-down on the desk, so the picture wasn't staring him in the face, and looked at the others. Then he picked up the first one again. Finally, he hit the intercom button for the labs.   
"Hello, Fred? Yes, I think Mr Maxwell should be good for the job you're doing..." 

/\/\/\   
Eep! I don't believe in chapters this short... oh well. Review please...


	2. Chapter 2

An Analysis of Spandex Space   
By Admiral Albia 

**Author's note;** Well, I was wrong to call it Chapter 1 and only. And this chapter WILL be longer, because I really don't like writing things that short. 

**Warnings; **Mild 2+1. I'm not sure if I'm going to actually bring Heero into it yet, so stay tuned... 

**Disclaimer; **I own nothing. Not even the plot. Wish I had some of those slides of Duo's though... 

Chapter Two

Duo stared up at the big W on the front gates and gulped. He hadn't realised he was sending his application to Winner Corp. Oh, sure, he knew the lab did work for them, but it wasn't quite the same thing. Sighing, he picked up his bag and went to get security clearance. What were the chances he'd see Quatre anyway? It wasn't like the guy had nothing to do but sit in the labs and talk to people... 

/\/\/\

"I dunno, Fred, wouldn't that cause a knock-on effect? I mean, do we really want to have to bury toxic waste, I thought they'd dug all of that up and burned it years ago.... yes, I can see that... yeah... yeah, but _listen_, Fred..."   
Duo coughed politely to attract the attention of conference. "Uh... I'm the new guy?"   
"The... new... oh, him! Sure, sit down." Duo took the only remaining chair, and realised suddenly that there was someone in the corner of the room. Just as he opened his mouth, however, Quatre put a finger to his lips. Duo shrugged and turned back to the table.   
"So, what have you tried?"   
"Everything!" Someone exploded. Duo nodded.   
"Have you tried spandex?"   
"_What?_" The entire table chorused, and he sighed.   
"It'd be easier if I showed you... do you have an overhead projector? Thanks." Duo grabbed a pointer and began to display some slide which he had with him. "A few years ago, I had the privilege of observing the only known user of `Spandex Space`, as it is known, in the process of using it. This -" there was a _click_ as the slide changed "- is Heero Yuy. I'm sure you've heard of him. He piloted Wing Zero in the war." There was a succession of nods around the table. "And these -" _click_ "- are his... legs, his legs, yes.... Heero's legs...." The assembly of scientists sat quietly for a moment before realising that their new boy wasn't really paying attention. Whether this was because of the thin line of drool trickling from his mouth, or from the way he was staring at the slide, or possibly from the way the front of his trousers looked a little fuller than before, we may never know. But whatever it was, the scientist nearest Duo reached out and snapped his fingers in front of the besotted pilots face. Duo blinked.   
"Oh... yes, sorry... well, as you can see, he's wearing spandex shorts. He was always wearing spandex shorts. And yet -" _click_ "-can you see a gun in those shorts? And do you all agree that you _should_ be able to see a gun?" There were murmurs from the audience. "And we know he had one, because he pulled it on me at various occasions. I never _could_ work out where it came from. But this, ladies and gentlemen, isn't the end. Oh no. I expect you'd say that maybe he could carry it just under his groin, yes?.... yes... Heero's groin.... sorry, I lost myself for a minute there. Well, aside from it being a bit tricky to pull out, _where did he keep the laptop_? I _know_ I've seen Heero pull _that_ from his pocket, or what would have been his pocket if spandex shorts _had_ pockets. Overall, though, I was forced to conclude that he could keep practically anything in those shorts... in _spandex space_." Duo turned round. There was a forest of hands in the air. He picked someone at random.   
"How do we know you didn't just get him to put the gun away for those photos?" Someone asked. Duo exchanged looks with Quatre, who was grinning, and rolled the slide up, revealing that Heero was drawing his gun at the time; they could see the handle, but the trigger and butt were hidden under spandex, and their outlines weren't showing.   
"This _is_ just a joke, isn't it?" Someone else said. Duo blinked.   
"No, I'm perfectly serious - Quatre, stop that!" But at this last statement of Duo's, Quatre had given up, and was now rolling around on the floor laughing. The majority of the scientists looked very surprised to see him there. "I _am _capable of being serious, you know." This, unfortunately, only made Quatre laugh harder, though he added in between gasps that he actually thought it was a very good idea, it was just the thought of Duo being serious... 

/\/\/\

"No, I really do like the idea," Quatre insisted half an hour later. "It's just... your face when you looked at those slides of Heero's legs... oh dear... you really did love him, didn't you?" Duo blushed heavily.   
"Quatre, I'm meant to be getting acquainted with you, not talking about my nonexistent sex life."   
"But we're already acquainted," Quatre pointed out, still giggling. "Um... well, do you have any idea how it works?" Duo sighed and shook his head.   
"I did ask him once. He said `hn`."   
"Oh."   
"I don't suppose you can translate that?"   
"Not really, I'm a bit out of practice with Heero-speak. Oh well, looks like we'll have to track him down and ask him. Do you have any idea where-"   
"Heero and Wufei went on a three-year tour of the Oriental countries," Duo said immediately, then slammed his hand over his mouth. "Damn..."   
"Not too eager, then?" Quatre asked dryly. "Duo, don't blush like that, you'll rupture something." Laning back in his chair, he sighed. "It'll almost be a reunion..."   
"Almost?"   
"No Trowa."   
"Oh... yeah... shame, that. He might be able to shed some light on the problem. You know, in mime." Quatre frowned.   
"Duo, it's his business if he doesn't like talking much."   
"Sorry."   
"So, when do we leave?"   
"Quatre? Are you coming with us?"   
"I don't see why not. Come on, let's go and ask everyone when they can leave..." 

/\/\/\   
Well, at least it's long_er_. I'm debating what to do with Trowa; should I bring him in or leave him? Your choice, people.   
Don't forget to review, too ^_^


	3. Chapter 3

An Analysis of Spandex Space   
By Admiral Albia 

**Author's note;** Eep! It was never meant to reach three chapters! I don't have a plot! Anyway, they're off to see East Asia... 

Oh yeah... thanks to Blue Seeress for giving me the `spandex space; the final frontier` line ^_^ 

**Warnings; **Mild 2+1. Not sure if that'll change to 1+2+1, but ya never know... incidentally, though, I'm crap at writing romance so don't expect anything major developing. 

**Disclaimer; **I own nothing. Not even the plot. Wish I had some of those slides of Duo's though... 

Chapter Three

"Spandex space... the final frontier. These are the scientists of the Winner Corp. Tour Bus, whose mission -" Duo paused to snap his fingers in front of Quatre's face "- not in that sense, baka - is to boldly go where no man has gone before... down Heero Yuy's trousers." He gave a little shudder at the thought of it. "We would say no woman, but you never know with Relena. And one child has definitely been down there, because technically _Heero _was a -"   
"I think... we'll leave it there, Duo..." Quatre croaked. "Please?"   
"But just think... Heero's shorts... we're going down _Heero's shorts..._"   
"What happens if he's thrown them away?" Someone said from behind them.   
"We can still ask him how they work," Duo said lazily, before he registered the question. "Whoa! Are we talking about the same Heero here?"   
The scientists sweatdropped collectively. 

/\/\/\

"Heard from anyone recently?"   
"No. Well, I got a letter from Trowa..."   
"Oh, was that what the blank piece of paper was?"   
"Yeah."   
"That explains it."   
"What about you?" Heero shrugged, and produced a sheaf of papers from his shorts.   
"Duo, Duo, Duo, Quatre; looks like he couldn't find me as it's forwarded from Duo, Duo, Duo... and, er, Duo." He sighed. "And I thought he was annoying in person."   
"He writes a lot, doesn't he?"   
"He writes the same way he talks," Heero snorted. "Lots of words and no content. I feel sorry for Dr G... imagine having to read mission reports like this!" Scowling, he chose a piece of paper at random and ripped it in two. As the pages floated gently on the breeze, Wufei said quietly;   
"Uh... Heero? That was Quatre's."   
"Damnit." 

/\/\/\

"Sooooo pack up your laptop in your old spandex and glare, glare, glare...."   
"I thought it was `smile, smile, smile`," Fred Hughes said. Duo shrugged.   
"It would be, but we're talking about Heero here."   
"I'm beginning to wonder about our safety tracking this guy down," an anonymous mutter was heard.   
"Don't worry, you're safe as long as he gives you a death threat."   
"Uh... pardon?"   
"The only people Heero's ever killed are the ones he didn't warn first," Quatre explained. "If he points a gun at you, glares and says `I'll kill you`, whatever language it's in, you're safe."   
"Ah..."   
"I'm now beginning to wonder about this guy's sanity," the same anonymous voice said.   
"He's perfectly sane, Henry," Quatre said calmly. Duo choked, and pulled Quatre towards him.   
"Quatre... we _are_ talking about the same Heero, aren't we..."   
"Yes."   
"The suicidal one who speaks in grunts, spends all his time on his laptop, would never let anyone touch his Gundam, pulls a gun on people for no reason at all and gets stalked by the Queen of the World?"   
"That last one isn't his fault," Quatre pointed out in a whisper.   
"You know what I mean."   
"Oh, fine, point taken. OK, everyone, Duo has just reminded me of a few of Heero's small foibles..."   
"SMALL FOIBLES?"   
"OK, OK, _big_ foibles... oh, _fine_, I admit it, he's slightly loony."   
"SLIGHTLY?"   
"All right! The boy's a maniac! Happy now, Duo?"   
"Well, I'd've said `psycho`, myself, but... kidding, I was kidding... hey, looks like that circus guy's broken down. can we stop and help him?" Quatre peered out of the window, and nodded.   
"Definitely. I don' think he'd ever forgive us if we didn't?"   
"Why not?"   
"Because it's TROWA! HEY! TROWA! OVER HERE!" 

/\/\/\   
*sigh* I had to pull him in, didn't I...   
Well, in case nobody noticed, this chapter was more or less completely pointless. The only plot detail wasn't even meant to go in until about three chapters later on... ah well... next chapter they'll hook up with Heero and Wufei... I hope...   
Whatever, review please! Otherwise I'll substitute Heero for Arnold the Elf, and while I'm sure Heero and Arnold wouldn't mind, Duo would be devastated... as would Relena and Alice, when they glomped the wrong stalkee/brother... ACK! I'm rambling! Review please...


	4. Chapter 4

An Analysis of Spandex Space   
By Admiral Albia 

**Author's note;** OK, I've skipped a huge section, largely because I got writer's block on it. They have now hooked up with Heero and Wufei, and are trying to explain the situation... well... sorta... 

And I'm sorry if Heero and Wufei's relationship seems OOC, I haven't yet had the liberty of seeing them interact with each other in the series *sniff* I'm only up to Episode 10... 

**Warnings; **Mild 2+1. Not sure if that'll change to 1+2+1, but ya never know... incidentally, though, I'm crap at writing romance so don't expect anything major developing. Possible 3+4 in later chapters... 

**Disclaimer; **I own nothing. Not even the plot. Wish I had some of those slides of Duo's though... 

Chapter 4

"So that's our problem," Quatre explained a few days later, the scientists of the Winner Corp. tour bus having reached their destination (i.e. where Heero and Wufei were currently). "And... well, Duo suggested Heero's spandex space..." The braided boy blushed as a full force Yuy Death Glare (tm) aimed itself at him.   
"What do you want to do with my shorts?" Heero asked, still glaring at Duo, who blushed even harder.   
"Just learn the theory behind them..." A random scientist muttered. "Or at least find out where we can get the theory. Who designed them?"   
"Doctor J?" Duo guessed, trying to hide behind Trowa. Heero nodded and Trowa sidestepped smartly, allowing full glaring access to Duo once more.   
"Why not just tell us how they work?" Quatre suggested. Heero sighed.   
"I don't know how they work. They just work."   
"Oh. Eh... excuse me, Heero, could we borrow Duo please? Thanks..." Quatre dragged Duo from the all-emcompassing activity of Blushing-Furiously-And-Getting-Glared-At, and added, "Business conference, gentlemen?" The scientists went into a huddle.   
"Well, the _usual_ way is to send a man in so we can see for ourselves," someone said hesitantly. "Uh... can anyone remember what we do if we can't do that?"   
"We send a man in so we can see for ourselves," came the prompt reply. "It never fails."   
"Wasn't that usually the phrase which resulted in someone having to self-destruct?" Duo murmured to Quatre. The blond boy nodded in agreement, then turned back to the main discussion.   
"I suppose if we ask him _very_ nicely..."   
"Ooh, I'll go!"   
"...and if we can find a volunteer..."   
"Me! Pick me! I'll go!"   
"...and if we allow him to set the terms..."   
"Oh, do we have to?"   
"...then he _might_ let us in without killing us."   
"Damn, you had to bring that up, didn't you, Quatre..."   
"Any volunteers?" Duo's hand shot straight in the air. It was the only one which did.   
"Any _other_ volunteers?" A general mumbling and pulling away indicated the answer to that question.   
"Ooh, pick me! I will, pick me!" Quatre sighed.   
"Fine, but it could make it harder for us to get in. Conference ended. Uh... Heero...." 

/\/\/\

"Just remember, Duo, you're going in to discover the secret of Spandex Space, _not_ to ogle Heero's privates."   
"Roger."   
"You'll be in radio contact at all times."   
"Roger."   
"Stop that."   
"Yessir."   
"This isn't a mission."   
"Of course."   
"Duo, is that a water pistol?"   
"Is _what_ a water pistol?"   
"I don't think it would be a good idea to make it look like Heero'd wet himself, Duo." The braided ex-pilot stared.   
"Quatre?"   
"Yeah?"   
"How did you..." Quatre allowed himself a grin.   
"Do you have any idea how boring it is if you spend every day of your childhood being a well-brought-up rich kid?" Seeing that Duo was still staring, he sighed. "Just get down Heero's shorts, Duo."   
"Sure. And Quatre..."   
"Yeah...?"   
"While I'm... uh... analysing Heero's shorts, why don't you analyse Trowa's bang?" Duo grinned at his friend's face and turned around. "HEERO! Coming ready or not!" 

Resignedly, the perfect soldier (who hadn't been able to resist Quatre's kawaii-pouty look, by the way) stretched his waistband open and Duo put one leg in. The leg immediately vanished into the black void that was Spandex Space.   
"Spooky."   
"Just get in, Duo."   
"Didja hear that, Quatre? He invited me in!" And with that, Duo hopped into Spandex Space. 

/\/\/\   
What secrets does Spandex Space hide? Tune in next chapter!


	5. Chapter 5

An Analysis of Spandex Space   
By Admiral Albia 

**Author's note;** So what exactly _is_ in Spandex Space? Well, Duo's about to find out! ~_^ And meanwhile, Quatre's... analysing... Trowa's bang... and... well, I'm not too sure _what_ Wufei's doing. Any guesses? 

And I'm sorry if any relationships seem OOC, I haven't yet had the liberty of seeing them interact with each other in the series *sniff* I'm only up to Episode 13... though I have seen Endless Waltz... ^_^ 

And some scenes will have to be cut through... [] signals place change. [Topside] Means that we're not in Heero's shorts any more, and so on. 

**Warnings; **Mild 2+1. Not sure if that'll change to 1+2+1, but ya never know... incidentally, though, I'm crap at writing romance so don't expect anything major developing. Almost definite 3+4 comin' up. 

**Disclaimer; **I own nothing. Not even the plot. Wish I had some of those slides of Duo's though... 

Chapter 5

As Duo stepped - nay, _fell_ - into the mystery known as Spandex Space, he was intrigued to find that the radio contact probably wasn't necessary, as he could hear everything perfectly well, if a little amplified; Heero's voice in particular was much louder than usual.   
Sighing, he picked himself up and switched the radio off. "Quatre, can you hear me?"   
"Duo?" Duo winced; the voices really were _very_ loud when heard from down(?) here. "You sound very... quiet."   
"Really? You sound deafening. Where are you?"   
"Uh..."   
"Quatre," Heero's voice, sounding far _too_ patient, broke in, "If you value your life, don't get any closer."   
"Not that he can," Duo distinctly heard an anonymous voice mutter.   
"Uh... hehe...sure, Heero..."   
"Oh, that's where you were," Duo muttered as Quatre's overly-loud footsteps receded into the distance. Sighing, he looked around and found that, contrary to his first impressions, Spandex Space was not completely dark, but more... odd. The walls were black and slightly curved, and light was filtering through them in a sort of weave pattern... looking closer, the braided scientist found that it was, in fact, a weave; he could push his fingers through it. Duo gulped. Either he was very small, or something odd was going on here. Fortunately, though, the weave was letting light through, and that meant that Duo could look around.   
He was in an oval-shaped room. Whatever Duo had thought of his surroundings, it had quite a low ceiling, except in one part where there was a large drop. The room was covered floor-to ceiling with various sorting devices - a filing cabinet, some shelves, and a few tables - but most of the objects in the room were in the floor. In a heap.   
"Geez, Hee-chan, don't you ever tidy up in here?"   
"Shut up," Heero hissed. Duo grinned to himself; he'd obviously found a source of entertainment for himself, annoyance for Heero... and better still, Heero couldn't do anything to Duo, at least while Duo was down Heero's shorts. Near his groin. Heero's groin... no, focus, Duo, focus.   
"Man, I never thought you'd be _this_ messy in private! So neat in public..."   
"Shut _up_."   
"And this is the guy who was always yelling at _me_ about _my_ mess..."   
"Shut. Up."   
"Hey Hee-chan, shall I tidy up for you?"   
"No."   
"Aw, c'mon! Even my messes are tidier than this... this _mountain_." 

[Topside] 

Heero was deathglaring his shorts. It didn't take a genius to work out that this was because of Duo, but Wufei was still finding it highly entertaining, especially as Heero's legs shifted involuntarily to get out of glaring range... apparently his glares even affected _him_.   
Quatre and Trowa had gone off somewhere after Heero had forcibly removed Quatre's ear from his lower regions, with the proclaimed intention of `analysing Trowa's bang`. Exactly why a scientist couldn't do this the oriental men couldn't quite understand, but there was presumeably a good reason. The scientists were keeping well out of the way.   
"You know, you really should take more care of your shorts," Duo's voice came through the cloth again, sounding very distant. "I mean look at this pair! They've been on the bottom of this... this _heap_ for months, by the look of it... and look at the blood! It's impossible to get off once it dries!"   
"_Shut. Up._"   
"Make me," Duo said smugly. Heero seethed. 

[A little way away] 

"Soo, Trowa.... how _do_ you get it to stay like that?"   
"..."   
"Oh, right. How does that work?"   
"..." Trowa murmured seductively.   
"Trowa! There're _people_ around!"   
"..."   
"But what if they walk in?"   
"...///_^..."   
"Oh, well, if you're sure..." 

[Spandex Side] 

Duo had given up, driven mainly by Heero's statement that he would _take his shorts off_ and shoot them if he didn't. The braided ex-pilot was now wandering around the long, low room trying to see if there was anything worth doing down here, all thoughts of analysing the science behind (hah!) the shorts forgotten.   
Several things in Spandex Space _were_ well organised; Heero's gun and laptop were in easy-to-find locations, and Duo played around on the usually forbidden treasure (the laptop), for a while before he heard Wufei asking why Heero's shorts were making noises usually associated with... well, to put it bluntly, with a war game. Duo _felt_ Heero blush, though he was willing to bet it didn't show on the other man's face. A second later, another hiss, this time of `Get off my laptop, Duo,` reverberated around the walls of Spandex Space. Duo shrugged and exited the game, but made a mental note not to do anything noisy on the computer. Didn't mean he couldn't use it... though he was getting tired. Better find something else.   
The something else was found on the other side of the room to what Duo had come to know as `the big drop`. It was an odd shape, and strangely squishy; he couldn't see more than than, because Heero was sitting down and blocking the light from entering. Curious, the braided baka picked the... thing... up and squeezed it... 

[Topside] 

Heero leapt straight into the air with a scream of agony, curling up into the foetal position the second his feet touched the ground.   
"Duo," The Perfect Soldier ground out in a very high voice, between whimpers, "Put that back _right this instant_!" He winced again as what felt like a fingernail dug in. "Please!" 

[Spandex Side] 

Duo stared at the thing in his hands, Heero's screams still echoing round his head, and blushed heavily as he realised what it was. He quickly, and gently, placed it back on the table.   
"S-sorry Heero." Another loud whimper was his only response. "Uh... maybe you should install electric lighting around it... it's kinda hard to see when you're sitting down...   
"Just get away from it, Maxwell," Wufei's voice came down, adding in what Duo supposed was meant to be a whisper and not for his ears, "I could kill him if you like."   
"Wuffie, I heard that."   
"Damn." Wufei sighed. "Well, I could still kill him, Yuy."   
"No." The floor rocked as Heero shifted position, though everything stayed in exactly the same position as before; including Duo.   
"Please?"   
"Not while he's in my shorts."   
"Oh..."   
Ignoring the argument over whether or not Wufei could kill him on the basis that Heero certainly would not allow a sword to be poked into his groin, Duo continued on his journey around Spandex Space, stopping suddenly as he saw that he'd left the laptop running, and that at some point something must have hit the keyboard; it had somehow located a file called `diary_OMAE_O_KORUSU.doc`. Grinning slightly, Duo opened the file, and was met with a password crisis, at least until he remembered an invaluable piece of hacking and codebreaking advice; `it's really quite simple once you realise that there are only a certain amount of birthdays a person can have, and people do tend to think the same way...`[1]   
Grinning, the wide-eyed ex-pilot entered Heero's birthdate and settled down to nose into his loved one's private life... 

/\/\/\

[1] Terry Pratchett quote; it's from `Jingo`, I think... or `The Fifth Elephant`. One of `em. Anyway, I know Heero probably wouldn't use such a simple password, but hey... it'd take too long otherwise... 

/\/\/\   
Woohoo! My chapters are getting back to their average length of three pages! ^_^ Anyway... what secrets does Heero's diary hold? What are Quatre and Trowa _really_ up to? And when is Wufei going to walk in on them? ~_^ Find out in the next installement of _An Analysis of Spandex Space, _which is guaranteed to come quicker if you review!* 

  
  
  


*Guarantee will not be honoured. No matter what Wufei says. 


End file.
